Okay, so parents aren't all that perfect. But, do our tweens have to know? Advice on how to deal with your pitfalls in parenting and strengthen your relationships.
OK mom and dad, it is time to own up to the fact that parents are not perfect. No matter what educational degree one holds, if any, or how long you have had a successful career, everyone still makes parenting mistakes. Take a look at some of the advice offered below to learn ways to use mistakes to your advantage and help you strengthen the relationship you have with your child.
Mistakes Offer Encouragement
Pretending that you are perfect is a disaster in itself. Parents are the prime role models to our children of how an adult behaves and acts. How do you think a child feels when his mom or dad never admits to doing something wrong? He probably feels like he has to be perfect when he becomes an adult. It starts to put pressure on the child that he may never be able to live up to those standards. Admitting that you have made a mistake shows your child that it is natural to be wrong about some things, and everyone can learn from our mistakes.
He Still Loves You
Sometimes parents feel that if they admit to a mistake, their child will look down on them. Parents may feel like they are losing control of their authority in the household, if they say they have done something wrong. Rest assured, this is not the case. In fact, your child will look up to you and respect you even more, knowing that you are brave enough to admit you are wrong. He still loves you!
Find Your Temper - - Before You Lose It
It is all too easy to lose your temper and go ballistic on your kids. For example, if you are talking to your child, but he is too busy playing his Gameboy to listen, you may get angry enough to throw the game away to get your point across. Of course, as soon as this action is deployed, you start to feel guilty and sorry for what you did. What are you going to do? Admit that you should not have done this, or put your blinders on and just hope your child gets over it? Getting angry only proves to your child that you have the right to be destructive when you are angry, and this is sending him the wrong message about being a responsible adult. A better way to handle the situation above could include:
Using a firm tone, but not yelling.
Taking the toy and placing it on a table.
Warning him by saying, "I am getting ready to blow my stack," without actually doing so.
Adapt to Your Child's Personality
There are times when you may be so excited about doing something for your child that you would have loved to do when you were a kid. For instance, you might throw your child a surprise party for her 12th birthday, only to find that she is totally horrified by the concept. She hates being put on the spot, and you have just done the unthinkable in her mind. Be sensitive to your child's personality. Tailor things around what she likes to do. Get her input before proceeding with any lavish plans.
Watch What You Say
Kids are listening to what you say, even when you do not realize it. You may be having a casual conversation with your spouse or a friend, and something slips from your mouth. Harmless enough, right? Not so when your child is caught saying the same thing to a friend. When asked where he heard such language, his response is, "You said it to daddy last night, so I thought it was okay." Do you get the picture?
Focus on Security...Avoid Scare Tactics
If your child comes to you with a concern, try approaching the subject in terms of security. Avoid using scary scenarios of what could happen. An example would be to tell your child how firemen and policemen work very hard to keep us safe, and if something bad ever happens, they will be right there to take care of the situation as best they can. This makes a child feel more calm. Telling her that if the firemen don't get here soon, the house will be gone and all their things will be lost, will make her anxiety rise. Think before you speak and you will find the right words to use to make a scary situation seem manageable.
译文:
当父母犯错时－－给不是完美父母们的建议
当然，父母不全是完美的。但我们有认识到这个事实吗？下面有些建议来帮助父母处理在育儿方面的误区达到加深感情的目的。
爸爸妈妈们，是时候意识到自己不是很完美的了。不管你的学历有多高，也不管你是否拥有一个怎样成功的事业，每个人在育儿方面都会犯错。看一下下面提供的建议，找到方法变错误为正确，从而帮助你们加深与孩子的感情。
错误是一种鼓励
假设自己是完美的想法是个极大的错误。父母在教育孩子怎样正确言行方面是个重要的榜样。如果自己的父母从不允许做错事的话，孩子会怎么想呢？他可能就觉得他一定成为一个十全十美的人。孩子可能由于永远达不到这个标准，也就成为了孩子成长的压力。让孩子知道，承认自己会犯错，有时候在一些事情做错是很正常的，从而每个人都能在错误中得到成长。
孩子依旧爱你
有时候父母可能会认为如果自己承认自己犯错的话，孩子会看不起他们，自己在家里的威信也会丧失。然而情况并非如此，事实上，孩子如果知道你能够勇敢承认自己的错误，他们会更加尊重你。他们依然爱你。
控制自己――在发脾气之前
你可能很容易就发脾气，朝孩子发泄。比如你正在跟孩子讲话，他却忙着玩他的游戏没空听，你就可能发怒去打断他玩游戏让他听你讲话。当然，你马上会为自己这个破坏行动感到内疚，觉得对不起孩子，接下来你该怎么办呢？承认自己不该这么做，或者假装什么也没发生，希望孩子也忽略你的行为？发怒只能给孩子证明你发怒的时候有权利去做一些破坏性的行为，这也给孩子这样一个错误信息，要做一个负责的父母就可以对孩子这样横加阻拦。更好的处理这种情况的办法可以用下面的方式：你可以很严肃，但不是叫喊着，把玩具放到桌上，警告他说：“我要发火了“，实际上你不会那么做。
适应孩子的个性化
有时候你可能很激动地想为你的孩子做一些你小时候想做的事情，比如你可能会为了给孩子一个惊喜为他准备一个12周岁的生日晚会,结果发现他被彻底吓坏了，他讨厌被放在那种场合，你做了一件在他来是不可想象的事情。关注一下孩子的性格，做一些他喜欢做的事情，在准备进行一些奢侈的计划前先要得到孩子的认可。
关注自己的言行
孩子经常在你没意识到的情况下在倾听你的言语， 可能你在跟亲戚朋友的随意交谈中说出了一些事情。一点都没有后果吗？不是的，当你听到孩子在跟一个朋友说同样的事情，你如果问他哪听来的，他会告诉你，昨天晚上你不是跟爸爸讲的吗，所以我就认为这样的。你碰到过这种情况吗？
注意安全感，避免恐吓手段
假如孩子来跟你说一件比较担心的事情，尽量使用一些有安全感的话，避免说那些可能发生的可怕情景。比如你可以告诉他们消防员和警察都在尽力保证大家的安全，如果有什么坏事发生，他们会尽快赶到现场处理情况。这样就会让孩子更加平静。相反跟他们讲如果消防员不及时赶来的话，房子就会烧掉，东西也没了，就会使孩子紧张加剧。因此在你讲话之前先考虑一下，你会发现正确的语言可以让一个比较可怕的情况看起来是在控制之内的。