如果不是挚友的一句话，我想我可能还不能从一个思维的死角中走出来。他说：如果多一份洒脱和自信，看男人就会不一样。这使我如梦初醒。感觉到自己虽然在外表上看起来是一个现代独立的女性，但是在思想上还是非常的传统和封闭。我还是处在那种以男人为中心，处处在意他们的意见和想法，而忽略了自己的那种心态中。
诸位不要误会，我不是一个家妇，但我以为作一个完美的女人是要好好的做到这样的。但现在转过头来看，身边结婚的女友们，是不是就以男人为中心，转个不停呢？有一个前提就是，她们都有自己的工作，称不上事业，但对工作还是抱着认真的态度，因为家的琐事而影响工作在所难免，但其码不是主动的放弃对工作的追求。我觉得她们并没有我想像当中的那样依赖老公。也许老公的工资卡让她们会比较安心地管理家，但她们也非常豪爽的花自己的钱，给孩子，老公，甚至自己。有老公陪，她们会开心，没有老公陪，她们也会有空就逛街，带孩子出去玩，到超市购物。如果没有体力拎重物，她们就会打的，如果一个人带孩子很累，她们也会找自己的父母家人帮忙。
那么，我为什么要这样呢？我为什么一定认为，只有围着男人转的小女人才是最幸福的呢？想起张爱玲的那句话，她的房子里的一颗钉子都是她买的。她从来也没有享受过胡兰成的照顾，所以她有一种深深的遗憾。女人喜欢被宠爱，喜欢去依赖一个男人。如果没有过这样，她会觉得她非常的可怜，没有享受过爱。但是，我自己个人越来越觉得，去依赖一个人的感觉不一定很好。温柔与否真的与自己是否柔弱，男人是否强大无关。温柔对于男人和女人来说，同等重要，温柔就是一种体贴与在乎。
能够独立其实才是一种快乐，那种依附于别人，把快乐与痛苦都身牵在别人身上的女人其实备受压抑。因为她们的自我会被别人的期望与需要所埋没。曾经看到过一个故事，关于女人最想要什么的故事，找出的答案令人差异，竟然是：掌控自己的命运。这种需求如果放到男人身上多少有些软绵绵，但是放到女人身上，却是多么的深刻啊。
当我得着好友的这句话时，我觉得自己彻底地解放了。再也不想，为了如何得到一个男人一生的爱和照顾而苦苦思索，与那些看似幸福的女人们进行对比，拼命的改变自己，以寻得这个结局。一个男人非要让别人付出太多来满足自己的话，这种人，我真的不知，可否共度一生。
译文:
what can keep a man by your side?
Perhaps I could not straighten out my thinking if one of my best friends didn't tell me this. She said that,"You will view men differently if you are more relaxed and confident." Enlightened by her words, I came to realize that though a modern and independent woman I am outwardly, I am very traditional and conservative inwardly. I still think women should be men-centered, listen to their opinions and ideas while ingore their own.
Please don't take me wrongly, I am not a housewife yet. I just think those are what a perfect woman should do and should do them well. However, as I give second thoughts to this matter, I can't help wondering whether my girlfriends who got married are husbands-centered. Here, there is a premise that we should not overlook: my girlfriends all have jobs (though not careers) and work hard. Sometimes family affairs are sure to influence work, which can not be prevented, but they all stick to their jobs any way. They don't depend on their husbands to such a extent as I imagined partly due to their husbands' salaries free them from worries so that they can manage family affairs well. They also spend their own money for children, husbands, even themselves. They are happy when husbands are around, otherwise, they go shopping or take out children. When something is too heavy for them to carry, they take taxis; when they are tried for taking care of children by themselves, they are willing to turn to family for help.
Then, why am I so sure that a woman is the happiest only if she revolves around her man? ZhangAiling once said that she had bought everything in her house, even a nail and she had never been taken care of by HuLancheng, which made her feel sorry as if something had lost. A women loves to be doted on and to depend on a man, or she will feel sad for not being loved. However, as to me, I feel more and more stronger that to depend on someone does not necessarily make you feel good. Tenderness has nothing to do with your delicacy and men's strength. Tenderness, which means consideration and concern, is of equal importance to both men and women.
In fact, being independent is happy. Women, who rely on others and make others the source of happiness and pain are actually under a lot of pressure, for their selves will be overwhelmed by the expectation and demand from someone else. I once read a story about" what do women want best". The answer surprised most people: taking full control of their fate. To men, it is nothing. While to women, it is everything.
I am quite relieved at my friend's words. I don't want to think hard how to get a man's love and care any more. Nor do I compare myself with those so-called happy women and change myself like crazy to attain that goal. If a man can only be satisfied by me giving out too much, he is not worth me to spend the rest of my life with him.